wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
