guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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