She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
