come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
