ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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