In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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