still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
