maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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