I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize