K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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