he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
