The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
