You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i out mim tonsoeep
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