I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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