i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize