My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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