I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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