gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
