she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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