My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
