i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You brought string cheese to the strip club
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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