I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
