I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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