Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
