I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
