Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize