Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Randomize
