Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
