Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
