What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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