I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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