So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
