Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize