All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Terrible idea I love it
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
