So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
