Old men and throwing up are my life now.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
