You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
