Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
