You just made me feel so damn special
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
