Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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