The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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