first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
