My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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