i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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