Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
