I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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