I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
