I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
