I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
