i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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