This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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