Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
