just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
