allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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