Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I know her cup size but not her name....
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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