she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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