My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
