I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Rumble strips road head = magical
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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