you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
