he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
