dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
