it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
