And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
