You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
