I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
