Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize