I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
