I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
