Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
