Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
