Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
